i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
