How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
