babies were throwing up all over the place
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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