I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
