I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
