Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
