he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize