If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
