sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
