just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
