just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
