that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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