I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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