Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
