Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize