You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
