I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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