Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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