highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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