i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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