would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
