i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
