God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
