this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
