thus making me awesome and them whores
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
