Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
