So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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