you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
