1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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