Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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