i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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