Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh god it's open bar.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize