I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
