I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
