I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
