Please, let me fuck your mom
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
