so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
