So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
