Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
