I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
