I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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