i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize