hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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