Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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