Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
