Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
