tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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