were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
