eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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