I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
