ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
