I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
