apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
