If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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