I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
