I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
