Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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