Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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