i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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