No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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