My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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