I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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