I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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