Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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