My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
