if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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