she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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