please come you make the beer taste better
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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