Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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