so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
