my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
