oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
