I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
