I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
