This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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