ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
