i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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