That's when you crack a 10am beer
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
