That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
