Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
