I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
