is your mom at the bar?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
