youre lurking in front of me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
