I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
