In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
