Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
