Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
