i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
