So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize