Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
