Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
