you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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