yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
