the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize