eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
