Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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