what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
