I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
