First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
