Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize