Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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