My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
