You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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