I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
