We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
