Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize