I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
