i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
